My mind is a mystery
by jaceandclaryforever
Summary: what happens when mason's death was too much? how will Rose defend her mind, and more importantly, how will Dimitri protect an already dying Rose? suddenly air, water, sun and love isn't enough to keep this rose alive...


**I strongly recommend that you listen to the song while reading this, so that you get the ****connection. It's ****lose my mind**** by The Wanted . Anyways, read and review please! **

_**Set after frostbite**_

**RPOV**

the days passed quickly. Time just flew. At every corner I saw his face. Haunting, forgiving, questioning and all the time, trusting. I had let him down. My best friend. Mason. He was gone. I could feel the tears roll down my cheeks again, landing on the wooden window pane I sat on.

_They say that time  
>Heals everything<br>But they don't know you  
>And the scars you bring<em>

'_Cos you left a jagged hole  
>And I can't stand it anymore<em>

I leaned back against the side of the pane with one knee propped up, and looked outside. The sun was rising you know. It was the start of a new day. As the world grew brighter, I could feel my soul darkening. Then, my vision changed, and I could see us chasing each other on the yard, on some crazy dare. I could see us racing around the track during physical ed., trying to outdo each other. I could see us walking to our classes together over the field, and then he'd disappear. My lips tilted upwards into a small smile.

I knew why I was still here, still alive. Because throughout the storm, I had a lifeline. I had Dimitri. Soon I won't anymore. I've got to grow up and be strong on my own. Today I'll leave.

_If heartache was a physical pain  
>I could face it I could face it<br>But you're hurting me  
>From inside of my head<br>I can't take it I can't take it_

_I'm gonna lose my mind  
>I'm gonna lose my mind<em>

Conviction flooded through me. I knew I was doing the right thing, for both of us. He deserved more. He deserved happiness. Someone who could give him the world, the moon and the stars. I couldn't. I couldn't even give him a child. He who had done so much for me and wanted nothing in return would soon have to find another.

_I'd erase my thoughts  
>If only I knew how<br>Fill my head with white noise  
>If it would drown you out<br>Kill the sound_

_If heartache was a physical pain  
>I could face it I could face it<em>

"rose?"

That sound, that sweet melody, awakened me from my reverie. I turned around, just in time to see my hero, in all his 6 ft 7 wonder walk through my door, eyes focused on me. he made me feel like I was everything perfect. Oh the irony.

"what are you doing rose?"

I looked up at him, just smiling as I lost myself in the depths of his soul. All else seemed to darkle.

"nothing comrade"

_But you're hurting me  
>From inside of my head<br>I can't take it I can't take it_

_I'm gonna lose my mind  
>I'm gonna lose my mind<em>

He looked bemused, with a touch of annoyance, but he smirked back at me.

"okay... you better get ready for the annual student's ball tonight then." He said, eyes twinkling, as if he had something huge planned out. So did I. yes, so did I. with a smile and a nod, I hopped off my spot at the window and ushered him none to gently out of my room, and he left with a small sigh. I smiled to myself at the life I would be leaving behind, and his life I was going to free.

_And I'd rather be crazy  
>I'd rather go insane<br>Than having you stalk  
>My every thought<br>Then having you here inside my heart_

So I changed into the last dress I would be changing into, here in my old, sad room. A deep red cocktail dress, simple but not plain. An I left my hair down, with a clip on both sides of my face to keep the hair out of my eyes. Yes, I was ready. With a last look at my faithful room, that had seen me through everything, I grabbed my purse, my stolen stake, and my cash card, generously donated by Lissa when we were on the run, and headed to the main auditorium. Here, I'd give my last debut.

_If heartache was a physical pain  
>I could face it I could face it<br>But you're hurting me  
>From inside of my head<br>I can't take it I can't take it_

I walked in, not even amazed by the dazzling lights, I knew this was how it was going to be. Flashy, big and boom. It was always like that. Kids trying to make themselves feel like superstars, famous rich bimbos and cool, hot jackasses for a day. Because that's all it was. For a day, and that's all it could ever be. No more, no less. Immature. Dimitri called me that once, how fitting. I realize what he must have seen in me at first. He was right. I was _"nothing but a child"._

_If heartache was a physical pain  
>I could face it I could face it<br>But you're hurting me  
>From inside of my head<br>I can't take it I can't take it_

Tears filled my eyes, the old words still stung. Old words will be forgiven, but hurt never will. Since when have I been so philosophical? Huh. Dimitri must be getting to me. oh well, in a few hours, he won't see a me to by philosophical anymore right?

I'm gonna lose my mind  
>I'm gonna lose my mind<p> 


End file.
